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Call of the Page (Alan & Karen)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The 2011 Kids Count for Earthday Haiku Contest Results!






This competition, sponsored by HSA this year, was an incredible world-wide success.


Alan, With Words





REPORT

Hai Five To The Winners Of The Earthday Haiku Contest 2011!

HSA (Haiku Society of America) were our new sponsors, thank you HSA!

Other sponsors are:
 
With Words (UK); Sketchbook Haiku Journal (USA); and Planetpals (Worldwide).

From co-founder Judith Gorgone of Planetpals:

"It was quite and honor to receive so many creative entries from children and classrooms around the world. This year we decided to add comments written by the esteemed Judge from the Haiku Society of America, an'ya.  Her comprehensive commentaries help us all understand why the haiku were chosen as well as, helping us learn. We are quite pleased to have the Sponsorship of the Haiku Society of America who generously donated a years membership to the winner."

Haiku Art entries
Thanks to Planetpals and Judith, this year, many entries included Haiga (Art plus Haiku). So, we have featured them separately: http://planetpals.com/earthday-haiku-contest-2011-haiga.html

Earthday Haiku Contest for Children and Young Persons 2011 Contest Results


All 2011 entries will be published on Sketchbook Haiku Jounal http://poetrywriting.org/

Judges commentary (an'ya, representing HSA)

An excellent turn out of haiku!

Our main criteria was good writing which captured the haiku spirit. Not all the entries were necessarily 5-7-5, and as this was only a guideline, you will find the occasional exception.

A big thank you to all who entered, we enjoyed over 250 entries from various countries.

*All haiku comments below kindly written by an'ya, Haiku Society of America Judge

Overall First Choice


The overall winner for 2011 is Amy Claire Rose Smith (13) from Darlington, County Durham, UK for this wonderful haiku poem:


Earth Day dusk --
falling all around me
blackbird song



7-9 years old
First Choice:


the water is smooth
a bird dips down, and away
ripples on the water

Katy Smith
Fourth Grade,
Barrington, IL USA, Teacher: Michelle Pezzuto

Comment:
This haiku by Katy Smith still adheres to the 5,7,5 format we were originally taught in our various school systems (which is fine) although nowadays many haiku poets are using just a short, long, short count since the Japanese sound syllables differ in length from English syllables. 

Having said this, Katy's haiku moment is as smoothly written as her first line "the water is smooth" which opens the moment with a "wide setting", and then in line two she zeros or zooms in on a bird dipping down, then she takes that bird away and all that is left in line three, are "ripples on the water." 

A very good use of "showing" us this moment rather than "telling" us what to think about it. Well done!


Second Choice:


spring meadow
a single honey bee
sips nectar

Philip Painting,  (age 9)
The Paideia School, Atlanta, GA, USA  Teacher: Judy Cloues

Comment:
In this haiku by Philip, we are visually transported to the wide setting of a "spring meadow" full of flowers, and yet in line two we are given "a single bee"perhaps going from flower to flower throughout the meadow to "sip nectar." 

Nicely written with fine juxtaposition and continuity throughout all three lines. 

Thanks to this author for sharing his moment.



Third Choice

waterfalls falling
right over the mountainside
straight into a lake

Ben, 4th Grade
Teacher: Liana Williams, Pacific Palisades, CA USA

Comment:
Here we have a very good visual haiku by Ben of literally what a mountainside waterfall does, it falls from the top, right over the mountainside and straight into the lake. If we concentrate on writing exactly what we see in nature, the haiku will almost always come out good. 

Too often poets try to put too much into the moment and add poetic devices to enhance the image. Ben shows us that it isn't necessary and we should just accept each moment as a gift and leave it the way nature made it.


10 -12 yrs old
First Choice:

between trees
the moon rises
to let the light out

Camden Smith (12)
Keyser Primary-Middle School, USA

Comment: 
A fine haiku example written by Camden with well-thought out word choices. It is interesting where this author chose to break line 2 but because we all pause differently when we speak, another author might have chosen to place the words "to let" at the end of line 2, however in this haiku, I believe that Camden's version works very well.


Second Choice:

rivers and oceans
with salmon going upstream
through the passages

Kristina Horchover, 6th Grade
Teacher: Scott Woodworth, The Out of Door Academy, Sarasota, Florida, USA

Comment:
A lovely haiku with an especially unique third line. We all know about salmon going upstream and we all know about rivers and oceans, but saying "through the passages" leaves Kristina's haiku open-ended so that each reader is free to imagine all sort of different passages. be it in between rocks, over the falls, even time a passage of time. etc. 

Keep up the good work!


Third Choice:


sun shows behind clouds.
shimmering rainbow appears -
river sweeps image away

Carl Mann (12) 7th grade
Kensington CT, USA Teacher: Elaine Kotler, Saint Paul School


Comment:
I like this haiku by Carl for its concept of the river sweeping the image of the rainbow away. To improve our haiku, we need to include articles such as "a" and "the" so when the haiku is read by others, it will be just as if we were speaking to them directly in person.
 
If we leave out articles, our haiku will sound choppy and not flow as smoothly as possible. Even so, as I said Carl's haiku shows depth, attention to detail and imagination.


13-15 yrs old
First Choice:

Earth Day dusk --
falling all around me
blackbird song

Amy Claire Rose Smith (13)
Darlington, County Durham, UK

Comment:
This particular haiku by Amy is absolutely stunning! and is what's known in the world of old-time haiku writers as a "wish-I-had-written-that-one-myself." Albeit, I would humbly recommend removing the emdash after line one in order to allow her haiku to pivot.

For instance it can be read two ways like so: "Earth Day dusk falling all around me" and then "falling all around me blackbird song." - a natural pivot in any haiku is desirable. 

The use of "d" sounds in line one is commendable, as well as the "l" sounds in line two carried over with the word "blackbird" in line three. I cannot overly stress the perfection of this write!


Second Choice:

the soft trill of birds
through the trees, straight to my ears
I listen to its claim

Michele H, 8th Grade
Teacher: Jane Scott, Kilo Middle School, Auburn, WA


Comment:
An intriguing haiku by Michele insofar as its 3rd line especially. Normally personal opinion or putting "self" into a haiku is to be avoided, however this author manages to include "I" in a way that is acceptable because of her use of one of the five senses (sound) via the word "listen." 

Also direct personification which is giving human characteristics to something in nature is not acceptable, but here again, Michele manages to subtly include the "soft trill of birds" as a claim which is subtle enough not to personify the birds. 

Excellent work Michelle.


Third Choice:

rolling in the grass.
rolling over little ants -
then helping them up.

Dallas Kaufman (14), 8th grade
Teacher: Elaine Kotler, Saint Paul School, Kensington CT, USA

Comment:
This haiku by Dallas reminds me of Issa (one of the old masters.) Issa wrote about the little things that are important in our lives and how to treat other creatures with kindness and respect -and many of his haiku were also written about insects. 

The empathy of this moment has "beauty of thought" which is often included in mainstream poetry and not nearly enough in our haiku, so kudos to you Dallas for sharing the tenderness of this moment with us, a fine example for Earth Day, which we should all heed.


16-18 yrs old

First Choice:


dark clouds-
he cuts out an akala
from an old tyre

James Bundi (17)
* James is the outgoing chairman of the Bambochaas Haiku Club
Bahati c.c Secondary School, Nairobi, Kenya, Africa

Comment:
Quite a fine haiku by James that links man and nature together nicely for this Earth Day Contest. If there had been more haiku submitted in this age category, I still would have most likely chosen this one. 

Akala (an example of a regional season word) are the tyre sandals worn by many people in Kenya who make good use of recycling what is already available to them. Wide setting in line one, subject and action verb in line two and follow through in line three. 

A perfect example of a typical haiku format, and in just 13 syllables and 11 words, we are walking right there in the moment.


NOTE:
All entries will also be published in the Fall issue of Sketchbook Haiku Journal, and will appear on the contest blogsite: http://kidsearthdayhaiku.blogspot.com/


Much thanks to the following people for their time and effort : 
an'ya HSA; Alan Summers, With Words; Karina Klesko and John Daleiden, Sketchbook Journal 

Previous blogpage to explain about the contest:







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